Column 8

''Three Australians walk into a bar'' could be the beginning of a joke but Anthony Cook, of Paddington, assures Rosetta Stone software us it's a genuine Lost in Translation tale and happened at the Rainmaker Hotel in Pago Pago, American Samoa. He writes: ''The Samoan girl behind the bar asked for the order. 'I'll have a Vailima [Samoan beer],' said the first. 'Make it two,' said the second. 'Better make it three,' said the third. And that's what they got. The first fellow got one, the second two, and the third bloke got three beers.'' In yesterday's column, Alex Johns noted that while in the past most commuters carried only purses, wallets or briefcases, many these days lug bulky backpacks. So what's in the backpack? ''Laptop, mobile phone, iPod, lunch, gym gear (shoes, clothes and towel), umbrella, purse and handbag (why carry it separately when it can be stuffed in the day pack?) and usually some work to do on the public transport,'' writes Mandy Bellingham, of Yarrawarrah. ''Now that it is winter I also pop in a scarf, beanie and gloves. I reckon my backpacking days gave me the skills needed to pack that into one bag.'' Then again, Patricia Egna, of Malabar, reckons: ''They probably hold the same things as most briefcases do - a jumper, a sandwich and a banana.'' Incensed by the tragic news that a Sydney homing pigeon that stowed away on a ship to Bluff, New Zealand, is to be put down by Kiwi authorities (Column 8, yesterday), Jim Dewar, of North Gosford, has penned a poetic call to Rosetta Stone Chinese arms: ''Australians unite and ask whyAn Oz racing pigeon must die.Enough is enough! Ring John Key, call their Bluff And let's save that poor bird from the pie.'' Advertisement: Story continues below The signpost in Bundanoon pointing to the Quest For Life Centre and the cemetery (Column 8, since Wednesday) is out of date as stated but not because the centre ''has been dead for some time but the cemetery lives on''. The charity continues to provide services to seriously ill people at the renamed Bundanoon Harmony Centre. ''When it comes to mixed metaphors, 'Better than a slap on the face with a blunt fish' takes a bit of beating,'' writes David Moncrieff, of Ngunnawal, ACT. Can you beat that? Not the fish, obviously. Adding to the mix, Julia Ross, of Copenhagen, writes: ''What about misquotes and mixed metaphors that make just as much sense as the originals? I was once told by a man, whose English was very good but not his first language, that something bad had happened, then 'to add in salt to injury' something even worse came along. I've used it ever since.'' ''On the subject of Aldi brands (Column 8, Monday), I was in the local Aldi store and Rosetta Stone French noticed a number of beanbag filling systems left over from a recent special,'' writes Graham Collins, of Batemans Bay.